THE DIVORCE BILL: A Reflection

THE DIVORCE BILL: A Reflection

(May 28, 2024)

(DISCLAIMER. I am not an expert on family relationships, marriage, or marital problems. Nor am I an expert on any laws, canonical or civil, about any of them. This reflection is a by-product of what I heard in the news, podcasts, interviews, some personal readings about the Divorce Bill that got passed on Third and Final Reading at the Philippines Congress and waiting for the Senate’s action before sending it to the President of the country for signature to become a law. At best, this reflection is a result of my inquisitive mind that’s trying to understand things that my simple brain hardly fathoms. I do not mean any disrespect to the Catholic Church’s teachings on the subject matter and other subjects mentioned here. I do not mean to offend the sensibilities of others who might find this reflection-article offensive. My apologies.)

The DIVORCE bill when becomes a law is not for everyone. If people have a very good and happy marriage, they do not have to worry about this bill. It is meant for those whose differences while in marriage are IRRECONCILABLE, beyond repair so to speak. Especially in such cases as battery where a party (usually the wife) is the victim of physical, mental, psychological abuse by the other. Another reason may be heavy addiction and compulsive gambling of either party. Plus, the process is not like the ones abroad where a simple agreement to divorce can just be notarized and finalized. Also, the process will not be like that of the Church where oftentimes would take a decade to annul a marriage. Let us study the bill before we say no. If anyone's marriage is well and good, do not fear this bill. It's not for them. It is for those whose marriage has become a matter of life and death. And for sure, we know one or 2 cases whose marriages are simply unsalvageable, unsolvable. It does not break families. It is for those whose families have been broken and cannot be repaired after all means have been tried.

A probable parallelism in question-form: What does the Catholic Church do when an ordained minister fathered a child and has been known publicly? What does the Catholic Church do when a priest/deacon/bishop is confirmed an active gay? What does the Catholic Church do when she finds out that her minister committed heinous crime? "A priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek." Yes. But withdraw all faculties, right? Meaning, the minister cannot basically perform any ministerial functions unless in times of emergency. And the final decision that the minister involved is perpetually "out" of the priesthood takes years before Rome arrives at such a decision. Meanwhile, while waiting for the final decision, imagine the mental anguish and psychological effects that such waiting renders the minister involved experiences, AND the other people who, one way or the other, are also part of the sorry situation?

Pray for guidance.

Anecdote: I had a friend co-worker years ago. She was not married, yet, to her partner. They were, I would call them, such a perfect couple and happy all the time whenever I saw them together. Until one time that the guy got so drunk (at a stage when he was still working on his addiction to alcohol), and physically abused my friend. It was really bad. Good that my friend was able to call 911 and the cops plus ambulance arrived on time. As this happened in another country where the law is highly regarded, the authorities enforced the law, and my friend was protected. Further, it was sort of a blessing that they're not married such that they immediately got separated and spared my friend from more beatings when the spirit of the alcohol takes over my friend's ex-partner. Apply the same situation of my friend in the Philippine context now but think that they're married. What do you think will happen to both of them, especially my friend, if there is no law that will make it legal for them to separate ways at the soonest possible time, and be freed to start their lives again separately? Bear the beatings, the misery, the mental, emotional and psychological torture (plus maybe a possible more physical abuse) to save the marriage? More counseling, more marriage encounters to salvage married life between the couple. Awesome. But what if nothing works at all? File annulment, legal separation, dissolution of marriage. Sure. Then what? Wait for 5, 7, 9 years or more before a decision on the case is made? In the meantime, while waiting, what? For the couple as much as for the children, if any, involved?

Another anecdote is about someone who is a family man, married for several years and with children. An example of a happy and perfect family, it seems. Until the husband started to have a different feeling that he began to question his sexual preference. He had several flings with different men in secret but remained a family man while the wife and the kids knew nothing about it. While the man underwent discreet counseling with a professional and concluded plus accepted that he was gay, he could not say it to his wife that may eventually lead him to leave his wife and the kids. Filing the accepted laws governing situations like this covers a long process that might consume much of his resources, financial and otherwise. And bear the shame of Philippine society that still generally abhors homosexuality.

Maybe the Philippine society as a whole is not ready yet to divorce as it is. But when is the right time, while families and individuals out there are suffering in all levels of their lives from the miseries of a failed marriage? Some will say that that is why there is a need for proper discernment and preparations on all levels before jumping into marriage. Remember, the subject of the bill is not those planning to marry but those who are already knee-deep into married life, so to speak, and ended up having irreconcilable differences during marriage. The subject of the bill is not the happy family or couples in bliss but those whose marital situation is irreparable due to circumstances that the people involve find themselves in.

If anyone has better thoughts, please do share. Let's have a healthy dialogue for communal discernment on the issue. Thanks.