LUKSA
(June 5, 2023)
Luksa or pagluluksa is a
Filipino Catholic tradition of “mourning” period. It is commonly observed as a
year-long period of mourning for the family and anyone who feels close to the
departed. I would like to divide this period into three based on the practice
that I grew up with.
The first period is the “Pasiyam”
or the nine days of prayer immediately commencing on the day of the beloved’s death
or, to some, on the day of burial. It is a time when family members, relatives,
friends, and neighbors of the departed come together in a residence of choice
(usually the residence of the departed’s family) to pray the “Novenario
Para sa Patay” or Novena Prayers for the Dead. That was like praying the rosary
but with different prayers and the usual invocation of “Kaawaan at patawarin ang
kaluluwa ni (name of the departed).” Transliterated as “Have mercy and forgive
the sins of (name of the departed).” Simple “agape” or “kainan” (meal or
snacks). A big salu-salo of food marked the last day of the novena (9th
day/night).
The second period is a
one-day prayer night marking the 40th day anniversary. This was
based on the biblical narrative and Catholic tradition when Jesus went back to
heaven, the Ascension. (Acts 1:3-4) A sumptuous meal also usually followed after prayer.
The third and final
period of mourning is the one-year death anniversary. Family members,
relatives, friends, and neighbours of the departed gather again in prayer and
shared meal. This marks the end of mourning.
Physically, the
immediate family wore a black dress or carried a black ribbon patch on their
chest during the first year of mourning to show the world that they were in
mourning over the loss of a loved one. The end of the mourning period is the
end of their wearing the black symbolizing that is now the beginning of what we
often call as “Let Go” and “Move On” stage. Healing is now coming to
fruition.
Lately though, the black
color of mourning has been replaced by white as observed during the wakes and
the funeral. I do not see black patches on the family members’ chests. The observance
of mourning or grieving period has evolved. The focus now is not on observing
death but on celebrating life.
Whether the evolution of
the observance of mourning from the traditional to the present way is either
good or not good depends on someone’s point of view. I do not want to get into
that debate. I simply want to share my reflection here. I am not here to argue
with anyone. Let that be clear here.
It is always said that
the healing from a broken relationship especially if caused by death is a tedious
process to many not to mention truly painful. It is said that “the one who loves
the most is hurt the most” by the painful reality of separation. The depth of
pain is a factor to consider, maybe the only reason, for the length of time to
experience before healing is attained.
With the many types and
kinds of “distractions” or should I say “entertainment” around, it is easy to “move
on” from being sad for the loss to “getting over” the loss. Added to those
various “entertainment” is the availability of social media where you will find
not only things to entertain you but also personal sharing, quotes, and posts
on how to cope with loneliness, brokenness, separation, or death; or just about
anything and everything under the sun so to speak.
My point being is, the
healing process over the loss of a beloved in death or otherwise has been
transformed into something a person born in the 50s or 60s or even 70s would
not even imagine during their time. Imagine before - no parties, no movies, no
laughing out loud, no outings, and the likes during the one-year period of
mourning. Those things you cannot say are still being observed during this
generation or even that of the last 2 generations. Some might even say that it
was ridiculous. Again, not for us to judge. Each period has its own distinct
characteristic that makes it different from the other. Each lifetime is unique,
let us not forget. Accept, Understand, Respect. Peace.
In whatever period we
belong, the healing process over the loss of a beloved, especially caused by
death where separation is final, takes a wide array of ways and means, and time,
before it is achieved. Various factors to be considered both personal and
social, internal and external, religious and/or cultural. The healing process
is very personal to the one grieving. No amount of pushing will help for an
authentic process of healing. We can only support and encourage. We cannot
impose. As the person undergoing the healing process needs time and space, we
who are supporting the person need tremendous amount of understanding,
acceptance, and care. Oftentimes, the most important thing is that the person
feels that we care and are always available when needed. We do not need more words
nor actions. We only need to be always “present” as the healing process of our friend
and loved one is in motion.
Remember that life is
like a wheel. The time of healing for our own personal loss may come and we
need friends and family who will always be “present” and will journey with us
towards the completion of healing and the beginning of a new life.
We are family.
That’s what friends are
for.
Thanks be to God.
Alhamdulillah.
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