Holistic and Dualistic Awareness in a Relationship

 

Holistic and Dualistic Awareness in a Relationship

(June 22, 2023)

The terms “Holism” and “Dualism” were alien words to me until I got into my philosophy class in the seminary during my college years. Then further understood during my theology and spirituality classes when I was in my post-college studies in the seminary.

Holism is defined as is “an adjective that means dealing with every aspect of something.” Wholistic vs. Holistic – Which is Correct? - Writing Explained 

Holistic awareness is “characterized by a ‘both-and’ style of thinking. Spirituality for Beginners 7: Dualist Thinking and Holistic Awareness | Psychology Today

 Dualism is defined as “the division of something conceptually into two opposed or contrasted aspects, or the state of being so divided.” https://bing.com/search?q=dualism+definition

 Dualistic thinking is “characterized by an ‘either-or’ mentality.” Spirituality for Beginners 7: Dualist Thinking and Holistic Awareness | Psychology Today 

These two concepts of awareness of way of thinking are in themselves opposed or in contrast. Depending on the school of thought a person belongs to, one’s way of life is defined by it. In different realms of study or disciplines, holistic and dualistic awareness are used to better understand their own focus of study, i.e., anthropology, philosophy, spirituality, etc. In Christian thought, there is a dualistic holism which is “a general position represented by more than one theological and philosophical definition of body and soul.” Cooper-SBJT-V13-N.2_2009.pdf (newdualism.org)

This reflection, however, is concerned with more practical understanding of holism and dualism as they affect a person’s interaction with another human being. Not on the academic discussion level but on a more experiential dynamics, we reflect on how our personality defines our awareness and way of thinking with the hope that by doing so, we are able to better understand and improve our interactions with one another.

 The question of compatibility in a relationship scores high in the list of important factors needed to build a long-lasting relationship.

 On the one hand, some claim that the parties involved must be of “the same heart and the same mind” to make their relationship work. Their likes are the same – sports, food, movies, hobbies, kind of pet, music genre, etc. That way they would always be in agreement with no quarrels at all. Everything is in harmony. And therefore, everything is good.

 On the other hand, there are those who believe that contradictory traits of character of couples is an important factor in a relationship if the contradictions do not cause disagreement but are means to compliment one another. The calmness of one balances the vivacity of the other. The subjectivity of one steadies the objectivity of the other. The black and white combined paints more vivid color so to speak. Compatibility therefore means complementarity.

 A holistic thinking “recognizes that one is only half of a partnership in quest of the other half.” Healthy Relationship - 5 aspects of a Holistic Relationship - Relationship Philosophy (usenature.com) Ever heard of the phrase “my other half”?

 A holistic relationship is when 2 persons share each other’s knowledge to become a wholesome whole. To attain that wholeness and live a “happily ever after” life, the following aspects need to be lived:

·        EQUALITY. No one is superior towards the other. Each one is as important as the other.

·        REALITY.  While we treat each other as equal, we respect and accept one another’s unique reality.

·        COMMUNICATION. Honest and open interaction with one another. Unique though as we are, what do we want to achieve as a couple. How can we support one another’s individual aspirations?

·        SYNERGY. It is “when the sum of the individual parts is larger than the individual together.” Achievements in the relationship are attained by efforts of each other as shared and not as individual’s endeavor.

·        LOVE AND TRUST. The two goes together In a holistic relationship. They are in fact the foundation without which everything else is meaningless and unattainable. Unconditional. Selfless.

What characterizes a relationship that tends to be more dualistic?

Everything said about holistic relationship, it seems to me, is everything that a human relationship (particularly romantic relationship) should possess. The idea of dualistic relationship stems more from the way the couple handle their day-to-day living.

It is becoming common now that husband and wife divide their “bedroom organization” as to “His” and “Hers”. Closets for Him and another side for Her. Bathroom sink for him and another one for her in the master’s bedroom ensuite. Or by other partners as “Yours” and “Mine”. On other aspects of their life, they reason that for practical purposes, they divide the finances and expenditures according to categories like his car-her car as differentiated from “our car” (that’s for those who can afford more than one car, of course); my budget for my personal expense and your budget for yours both separate from “common budget for common expenses”; Me-time vis-a-vis Your time different from “Our time”; and so on. This so-called modern lifestyle keeps everything in an orderly and well-defined fashion.

Whatever way of thinking a couple embrace for their relationship is acceptable if they work for them and keep their relationship intact and happy. What matters most is that there is harmony in the relationship fortified by love and trust plus the acceptance of each other’s uniqueness. Whether holistic or dualistic awareness, happy couple, happy family persists.

Any way we think, it is important that we feel loved, and we give love. Afterall, as an adage say it: “Love is what makes the world go ‘round.”

You are loved. We are loved. We are family.